Writing & Photos

His touch has changed…

His touch doesn’t feel the same that it once did. It used to feel warm and comforting. He used to entangle his fingers through her, and she would have a sigh of relief knowing she is safe. He used to give her sweet kisses on the cheek, and that was all she needed to make it through the day.

Now when he tries to hold her, she just gets a high sense of anxiety and wants to push him away. His arms wrapped around her feel like a steel cage that is slowly crushing her, to the point she can not breathe at all. His fingers intertwining in hers feel like vines that are just making sure she is wrapped down tight enough. She feels encaged, like an animal that only gets taken out of its cage when the owner wants some attention.

Before, when he rubbed on her body, it sent tingles down her spine. She would instantly moisten, and she could feel the love in his fingertips. Now, when he tried to rub on her, she felt as though she was being violated, and wished for it to stop.

She can not help that her feelings changed. However, she could no longer sit around and act like everything was the same. She loved him with all her might, but her soul wasn’t letting her stay close to him. Her soul was wandering, which means she sat depressed as long as her body could not wander as well.

No one else made her skin tingle. No one else made her bite her lip so had it bled. She didn’t want anyone to, she wasn’t to be touched at this time in her life. Her soul was not allowing it.

Self healing? Maybe.

Although that maybe should be a definitely. She had not allowed her soul to heal since she was just a youngin’, and her soul felt the cracks from her pushing so hard. Even in her dreams, she was haunted with such terrors that she shook when she woke.

It was time she let her soul wander, and instead of bearing the weight of worry and anxiety, she simply wanted to follow it and heal. She wanted to see were God took her, and what friends she would meet along the way. She wanted to feel beautiful for herself, not for the approval of others. She wanted to see her business thrive, and her kids thrive even further.

Her soul did not crave touch, like it used to. She wasn’t sure if there was no soul for her, or if she simply hadn’t met anyone who here soul was even attracted too. Sure, she still had lust for the passion in sex, especially her darker desires that she never experienced.

 

However, most of her younger life was spent focusing on what she felt she should do with her life, especially since she had children young. Get married, have a home, work a boring dead ass job, etc. She realized that her soul was not meant for that. Sure, she wanted connection, but at the same time she needed to realize who she fully was, so she could understand the connections she had with others.

So, for now, his touch felt like vines entangling her in a cage. As her soul flew and wandered, she simply stayed stuck in her cage. Her soul needed to be free, so she could see what it wanted to become.

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